So we’re closing in on the end of another year. And whether you’re shopping for your party dress for a big New Years eve party, or planning a quiet night at home with that special someone, the one question that you can pretty much count on being asked constantly around now is… “Any New Years resolutions?”

I’m not really a fan of reserving one day a year to make all my big life changing statements. I prefer to make adjustments as I go. So lets just address the concept of goal setting in general.

Now maybe it’s just me being a neurotic organizer but I always find it useful to make a list (I’m big on lists) of the broad strokes of what you want to achieve in different areas of your life (health, money, career, love, etc). Then once you have those take some time to prioritize their importance to you. Sit on them for a few hours or a day or two to mull it over. Not too long though. You want to try to get this plan into action before 2009.

Once you have a good sense of which areas require your full attention, break your big goal down into a bunch of little tiny goals that are easy to attain and will lead you to your end result. Kinda like laying patio stones down in your backyard that lead you to your pool…where there’s a smoking hot shirtless pool boy all tanned and sweaty cleaning it.

Um…also be sure to separate “goals” from “fantasies”.

I came up with the idea for Twenty Something in September of 06. After our initial launch I started fantasizing and setting all these outlandish expectations about the show and how successful it would instantly be! That created this unattainable goal that even Oprah would have a hard time reaching. And that resulted in early frustrations and disappointment for me. The show is now doing REALLY well (thank you viewers!) and thanks to a great support group and production company I’ve been able to get a handle on what, where, how and when we will achieve the goals I set for myself and the show.

And when we do?

I’m getting a house with a pool and a smoking hot shirtless pool boy all tanned and sweaty cleaning it.

Remember to set realistic goals and stay positive and there is nothing that can stand in your way!

Have a GREAT New Years and a fantastic 08!

peace

Jill

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Well it’s that time of year again. The last minute crunch to find that perfect gift for that perfect person. So what do we girls really want in our stockings? No, I mean seriously. Our Christmas stockings. For once I’m not giving tips on how to get in her pants. These are tips on how to knock her socks off.

So what do you get the girl that you either have your eye on or have been lucky enough to land? First of all it depends on the situation. Jewelry for example is a tricky one. It’s great if A) you’re actually in a relationship with her. (otherwise you could be slipping into stalker territory) and B) you know EXACTLY what her taste in jewelry is. Same rules hold true with lingerie.

And speaking of knowing what she wants… It may be a good idea to take a trip around the mall with your girl and get her to point out different things she would like, or get one of her girlfriends to come shopping with you. She’ll know better then anyone else what your girl would want! You can even buy her some clothes/shoes/or a purse if you have the best friend with you.

The other approach is to have some fun and think outside the box. Take her interests into consideration. What makes her happy? Does she have a stressful life or have a stressful job? Try getting her an amazing spa package that will calm and rejuvenate her. No girl will EVER be disappointed with a spa package and she’ll love you for being so considerate. It’s a win-win present!

If it’s a budding romance, what about a “lets get to know each other better” weekend getaway? It doesn’t have to be somewhere lavish. Use your imagination and start researching winter cabin getaways. The best part about weekend getaways is finding the rustic locations that don’t have internet access or tvs or phones… You have nothing to rely on for entertainment other then yourselves! It’s a great way to connect with each other and potentially have one hot and steamy weekend. Years ago I was dating a guy who was a HUGE snowmobiling fanatic so I booked us into a remote cabin that we could bring snowmobiles to but they also offered other activities like snowshoeing, cross country skiing, skating, ice fishing, as well as some pretty kick ass meals and the whole weekend only cost me $200!!!

The trip didn’t take a huge bite out of my savings and also landed me in the good books for months to come. Trust me, you can never go wrong with the weekend getaways.

But what if you don’t want to spend big money? This is where you milk the “it’s the thought that counts” approach. Put your creative hats on and think about what your guy/girl would really appreciate. And have some fun. A friend of mine takes an afternoon every holiday season and makes a movie for his girl. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s set to her favorite music, usually it’s full of inside jokes or references and it’s ALWAYS appreciated!

Have your special someone over for an amazing meal and romantic night with just the two of you. Set the mood with great music, candles, wine (or whatever liquor you prefer), then pop in the video and have a laugh. Gaurantee it will but the Merry in their Christmas!

Have Fun!!!

Happy Holidays.

peace

J

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Now that we are getting close to the holidays there are Christmas parties galore. It can be a crazy social time with lots of friends and family, and of course…the office party. (insert climactic horror music here)

This is one party that if you aren’t careful and in complete control, you could do some serious damage to your rep at work. You wanna be able to stride past the water cooler the next day without fear of hearing your name whispered. So one thing you should always make sure you steer clear of? The dreaded IOPH! (illicit office party hookup)

Now no one is saying you can’t hook up with someone you’ve had your eye on at work. By all means, go for it. I mean what a perfect occasion to do so! There’s mistletoe. You’re both feeling more relaxed and at ease. Flirting seems to come so much more naturally with a couple drinks in your system. Assuming it’s just a couple of drinks and you’re not sloshed and showing off to the room how easy it is to remove your bra while keeping your shirt on.

Just keep in mind that you are representing yourself at a work function. This is the place that helps you pay your rent and buy groceries. Maybe telling your boss he’s got a cute butt and you’d love to check out his candy-cane…isn’t the best career move. Picture yourself at work the next day. Standing on a very quiet elevator with your co-workers wondering what their thinking… “It’s too quiet. Nobodies looking at me! Why won’t they look at me?!?! They know what I did! Sweet Jesus they know!!” And that’s just the beginning of your day.

But if you are hell bent on hooking up, here are a few rules to follow.

1. Do it on the DL! Don’t sneak off into a corner that everyone can still see you in and have a make-out session that would rival horny teenagers. Save yourself a little dignity and leave the party. Separately. Go continue the making-out (or whatever else) somewhere a little less work-y. You’ll be glad you didn’t display your hottest pre-sex lap-dance in front of the senior execs. Which leads me to…
2. Sexy lap-dances or dirty dancing in general. Avoid it at all cost. It’s hot to you because…well…you’re probably a little tipsy. There’s a good chance that to others you look like a drunk stripper who just finished her shift and still has some moves left in her. There should be no grinding into anyone’s crotch, and there definitely should not be any girl-on-girl sex dancing! You girls know what I am talking about. Dancing with your best girlfriend while your male co-workers named Woody and Mr. Happy sip their eggnog and ogle. Not a good move. Once again, this type of behavior will make that awful hang-over you’re rockin’ at work the next day, the least of your problems! And finally…
3. Beware of the frequency at which you swear, and the volume at which you do so. It’s easy to be really excited to get together with all the staff and have a couple drinks and party the night away. It’s also easy to overdo it and end up screaming “What the *&%# is this about?” during a speech your boss was giving. (I still remember my special ‘talk’ with my boss first thing the next morning.)

So take my advice and carry yourself with an air of class and you will stay on your employer’s good side allowing you to keep both your dignity and your income. Feel free to enjoy the things in life that will land you on Santa’s “naughty” list.

Just not at the office party.

Have fun!

Peace

Jill

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When you are having a rough day most people take comfort in knowing they can turn to their parents for unconditional love and comfort.

But what about when due to age or illness the parents are the ones who are dependent on their kids? How do you deal with parenting your parents? I personally have never had to deal with a situation like this, but some girls on my show definitely have and when they talk about their experiences it’s easy to spot the hurt, the pressure, and sometimes even the resentment. Now since I have zero experience in this field I can’t offer any “been there done that” advice but what I can do is offer an opinion from an outside source that has watched many girlfriends deal with this sort of circumstance. I can think of five girls off the top of my head that I have watched go through this or listened to them vent.

I know that when some kids recognize, consciously or subconsciously, a parent falling short of their parenting duties, they feel a sense of responsibility to pick up the pieces and keep the family functioning at a normal level. But the weight of that cross will affect a child for the rest of their lives, not to mention the emotional scars of what they see first hand. I had a girlfriend whose mother was an alcoholic and their house was constantly in chaos. We would watch her mother drink until she became incoherent to the point of either passing out or throwing up in the kitchen sink. I felt so bad for my friend. She couldn’t understand her mothers inability to get her life under control and take care of her kids, and the finances, and keep their house in a presentable state. And most importantly her inability to surround herself with men who would be productive and helpful around the kids instead of abusive. I can’t even begin to fathom how my girlfriend truly felt about this deep inside, I mean, she would vent to me and scream at her mother but that was just her way of expressing her pain. Years later she ended up cutting all ties with her mom. A pretty sad ending to an even sadder story.

Kids shouldn’t have to feel this sense of pressure and stress and

responsibility at such a young age and in my humble opinion I feel as though the best way to deal with the hurt that comes from this type of lack of parenting is to seek out a counselor or someone you feel completely comfortable unloading on.

You can’t fix anything if you don’t acknowledge the source of the problem.

But what about the parents who didn’t ask to be put in a situation where they can no longer take care of themselves. I have a girlfriend who has been through hell and back in her life. From her father passing away, being diagnosed with a brain aneurism and surviving it, to having her mom fall into a great depression.

I was always amazed to watch my friend just suck it up and deal with it the best way she could think of. She got a high paying executive job so she could help pay off the debt that her mother got into, she raised her little sister and made sure she was okay in school and has moved into a nice house with her mother where she can keep a watchful eye over her.

Looking back on her life I am always amazed at how a story that started off filled with sadness and despair, grew into one filled with inspiration. Sometimes if you pay close enough attention you don’t have to be standing in someone else’s shoes to learn valuable life lessons. And in this case…I’m glad I’m not.

peace

Jill

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And within a few hours he is drunkenly grinding and slobbering all over some equally inebriated girl whose skirt has now become a belt. At 2:00am they stumble out of the bar, hale a cab, and go back to his place and have a night filled with drunken sex.

This is pretty much a normal and accepted sight to see at any bar or club wherever you live. But why is it then that the girl usually wakes up with this overwhelming sense of guilt whereas the guy wakes up with nothing more then a hangover and an eagerness to high five his buddies?? Why are women made to feel tortured with guilt if they want to have meaningless sex while men can have emotionless flings and be rewarded for it?

Why can’t a woman have sex like a man??

I mean, is it really THAT bad to have had a couple one night stands under your belt throughout your twenties? Afterall, isn’t this the stage in our lives where we’re suppose to be deciding what we like and what we don’t like? What we will do and what we won’t? Who we want to spend our time with and who we don’t want to give the time of day to? What happens if some women don’t want to be bothered with the occasional hassles and complications of having a relationship? Are those women not entitled to any physical pleasure or intimacy?

Personally I really don’t see the harm in getting up in the morning, saying thanks Jim, and leaving. Unless…his name was Brent. That could be awkward. But as long as you’re both consenting adults, you’re there for the same reason and you’re safe about it…what’s the problem?

So who is it really who makes us feel so damn ashamed for having a couple illicit nights of no-strings sex? I am not so sure it’s the guys anymore. I think it’s other women. I mean how many guys would label a girl that is confident and knows she wants, a slut? Not that many. How many girls would do that? COUNTLESS!! What I don’t understand is why.

Why do girls feel as though they have to bring each other down just to make themselves feel better? I don’t think guys do that. Do they? Okay, maybe when they’re playing sports and trash talking. And when they’re drinking with their buddies and trash talking. Or around the water cooler at work and trash talk… Look, the point is we all need to realize that we’re no longer in high-school where who you fooled around with could make or break you in school. We’re in our twenties now. If you want to go out and have sex with 7 guys in 7 days that’s your choice and it doesn’t affect anyone but you. Oh, and the guy(s) you were with. And maybe the prophylactic market. See? You’re actually helping the economy!

So stop letting insecure, jealous, or just straight up self-righteous people tell you what to do or who you are because of your actions. If you are happy with your choices then that’s all that matters. You having an illicit romp doesn’t affect any of your girlfriends. So the next time they try to guilt you and make you feel bad for the fun you had the night before, stand up for yourself and tell them you appreciate their opinion but it’s truly none of their business and you stand behind your decision. And if for some reason it was a mistake to hop into bed with that guy? Well then you’ve learned your lesson and will know better next time. Enough of the scolding from outside sources, be confident in yourself and make your own decisions.

It’s about time the playing field was leveled with men and women where sex is concerned. After all, anything they can do we can do… better. ; )

“One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.” ~ Jane Austen

Peace

Jill

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