When you are having a rough day most people take comfort in knowing they can turn to their parents for unconditional love and comfort.

But what about when due to age or illness the parents are the ones who are dependent on their kids? How do you deal with parenting your parents? I personally have never had to deal with a situation like this, but some girls on my show definitely have and when they talk about their experiences it’s easy to spot the hurt, the pressure, and sometimes even the resentment. Now since I have zero experience in this field I can’t offer any “been there done that” advice but what I can do is offer an opinion from an outside source that has watched many girlfriends deal with this sort of circumstance. I can think of five girls off the top of my head that I have watched go through this or listened to them vent.

I know that when some kids recognize, consciously or subconsciously, a parent falling short of their parenting duties, they feel a sense of responsibility to pick up the pieces and keep the family functioning at a normal level. But the weight of that cross will affect a child for the rest of their lives, not to mention the emotional scars of what they see first hand. I had a girlfriend whose mother was an alcoholic and their house was constantly in chaos. We would watch her mother drink until she became incoherent to the point of either passing out or throwing up in the kitchen sink. I felt so bad for my friend. She couldn’t understand her mothers inability to get her life under control and take care of her kids, and the finances, and keep their house in a presentable state. And most importantly her inability to surround herself with men who would be productive and helpful around the kids instead of abusive. I can’t even begin to fathom how my girlfriend truly felt about this deep inside, I mean, she would vent to me and scream at her mother but that was just her way of expressing her pain. Years later she ended up cutting all ties with her mom. A pretty sad ending to an even sadder story.

Kids shouldn’t have to feel this sense of pressure and stress and

responsibility at such a young age and in my humble opinion I feel as though the best way to deal with the hurt that comes from this type of lack of parenting is to seek out a counselor or someone you feel completely comfortable unloading on.

You can’t fix anything if you don’t acknowledge the source of the problem.

But what about the parents who didn’t ask to be put in a situation where they can no longer take care of themselves. I have a girlfriend who has been through hell and back in her life. From her father passing away, being diagnosed with a brain aneurism and surviving it, to having her mom fall into a great depression.

I was always amazed to watch my friend just suck it up and deal with it the best way she could think of. She got a high paying executive job so she could help pay off the debt that her mother got into, she raised her little sister and made sure she was okay in school and has moved into a nice house with her mother where she can keep a watchful eye over her.

Looking back on her life I am always amazed at how a story that started off filled with sadness and despair, grew into one filled with inspiration. Sometimes if you pay close enough attention you don’t have to be standing in someone else’s shoes to learn valuable life lessons. And in this case…I’m glad I’m not.

peace

Jill

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