It’s been awhile since I’ve graduated school, but there’s still one test I take annually that I get nervous about…
I don’t know if it’s the stirrups, the awkwardness of the office, or the fact that I’m spreadin’ em without so much as even a drink being bought for me, but you guessed it…

I’m talkin’ about the annual Pap/STD testing!!

It sucks. Nobody enjoys it. I’m just glad my female orifice allows a cue-tip to pass through with only mild discomfort.

WE ALL HAVE TO GET IT, or should be getting tested regularly! What I get the most nervous about, is I know personally I’m clean, (Thank you, thank you, thank you!) but what happens if I dabble with danger, and my partner isn’t as safe as I’ve been? How do I even approach that subject? What if he lies because he just wants to get laid, and his Chlamydia doesn’t bother him so he doesn’t think to mention it?

You can’t necessarily fire off a string of questions a la interrogation style and hope for the best. i.e. - So what’s you’re favorite colour? What’s your favorite food? Your first dog’s name was…? Oh and do you have a reoccurring case of herpes? How fond are you of the HIV?

Not really the most romantic topic to chat about, but I find that the best way to approach the conversation is to put it out there. ESPECIALLY if you’re not using protection! My last partner didn’t particularly enjoy the ribbed- ridin’- raincoat, so I took a HUGE leap of faith and let my boy bareback, meanwhile I’m thinkin’ the whole time, please don’t give me syphilis, (poke) please don’t give me The HIV, (poke) please don’t give me one of over 40 infectious Herpe strains, (poke) please don’t give me a humping trophy, oh dear, ohhhh dear….

In hindsight I probably shouldn’t have trusted him so early on in the relationship, it’s a worry especially since he was known to be a fibber, so what/who’s to say he didn’t lie to me about being ‘clean’? Bottom line - its important to have an honest safety chat, more important then the commitment talk, more important than meeting the parents, and definitely more important then worrying when to say the ‘L’ word!

Stay safe, and protect your pink parts, because waking up to a broccoli like formation in your bikini area is not attractive!

Get the Glove to fit!
SP

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