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Time To Go
Ever been stuck in a relationship that just isn’t working? I know exactly how you feel. Jill and I were joking the other day that each of us could write an encyclopedia on our bad relationships. I always wished that I could just hit the delete button and make it go away however, in the real world that just doesn’t work.
Sometimes I think I’ve seen them all. Boring relationships, angry relationships, abusive relationships. . . It’s so hard to recognize that you are in a crummy union but here a few signs you should be looking out for. If your partner on several occasions belittles you or insults you to make themselves feel better or to make you uncomfortable that is a sure sign that there is a big problem. Even the best of us can lose our cool in the heat of the moment but we usually apologize for saying nasty things after we cool down. We might even say negative things that can be taken the wrong way. Confront them about their nasty words and they usually will say they’re sorry but if you get no remorse from them, it may be time to move on.
If there is ever any physical abuse (from you or your partner, it goes both ways people!) that is a major red flag. Using that kind of behavior in the heat of the moment is absolutely unacceptable regardless of the situation. If this is happening to you there is so much support out there if you need help getting out of an abusive relationship whether it be confiding in your close friends or many of the abuse hotlines that you can find in the phone book. They’ll also have a list of shelters that will be able to give you lots of advice and support if you find yourself in this situation. You are not alone and it is not your fault!
If, for whatever reason, you’ve decided that your relationship has soured, you have several options as to how to end it. There’s the classic phone break up (not recommended), the avoid-and-drop-off-the-face-of-the-earth approach or my favorite, the messenger break up (it has happened to me). Ok wait, none of those seem so great. I’ve always tried to use a break up method that reflected the relationship. In other words, I’ve executed it with the same amount of respect my partner has afforded me and always tried to retain some class. I avoid pointing fingers and name calling because that always ends poorly and makes us both upset (if they were a real jerk you can always use those names when describing them to your friends). If you are unsure of how they may take the news it’s best to do it in a public place so they can’t make a scene and you can make a quick getaway.
All in all you can’t make a formula for an easy break up. They stink and nobody really wants to do it. The best you can do is learn from your experiences in the relationship and try to recognize patterns and personality traits that led you to the split. That way you don’t have to repeat awful experiences and you can find your true prince/princess charming.
Cheers!
Sammy
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Rate This (average: 4.17 )Starting your own Biz
Tired of working for the man? Or…the woman? Or anyone? Cool. Maybe it’s time to start chasing your dream and run your own business! I know first hand how much work, and determination you need to put in to make your adventure a success no matter what it is. But I also know how massively rewarding it can be.
One piece of advice I can give you is to find out as much as you can about the field you are planning to launch your business in. All of it! You need to know the good, the bad and the ugly so you go in with your eyes open.
Make an effort to talk to business owners (industry related or not) for any information or tips they might have. There are a million invaluable little nuggets that you may not have thought of that someone else can shed some light on.
You can also take that meet-and-greet mindset up a notch by attend different networking parties where you can meet lots of new people in your chosen field. And keep in mind EVERYONE is a contact. The Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon is not just a movie trivia game, but a philosophy that affects business. That person you’re chatting with may have no idea about the business you’re in…but his sister just happens to work for your dream client! So maybe it’s not a foot in the door. Maybe it’s just your big toe in the door. The point is…the door is open. So be nice, follow up with a call or email and start working your connections.
Get to the point! Lots of people seem to have the mindset of asking for a favor from a potential new client or sponsor. So they start off with a “sorry to bother you…” approach. Kind of a negative foot to start on. My producer always talks about how in Canadians tend to think defensively (“I don’t want to interrupt”, “I should go slow incase it doesn’t work”, “Is this a bad time?”) whereas Americans tend to think offensively (“You have to check out this offer”, “I can really help your business”, “Give me two minutes of your time.”).
Which one do you think will get you better results? You can still be polite and charming…and assertive.
Finally, never under estimate the power of guerilla marketing and old fashion word of mouth. In my opinion, word of mouth can be the best and most effective form of advertising. It has been the biggest and most effective marketing tool for
TwentySomething and we have been fortunate enough to have our small army of viewers spread the word to their friends to create and even bigger army.
Today and Internet series…tomorrow THE WORLD!!!
Now there is a business plan!
Peace
J
View Episode 72: Starting Your Own Biz
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Violence Against Women
I think women have a hard time recognizing abuse when it’s emotional and/or psychological. It’s harder to pick up on since it doesn’t leave a bruise or a welt or a scar. Instead it eats away at you from the inside and affects you to the core.
Now I understand that without knowing you or your situation it would be impossible for me to have a sense of whether your hooked up with Prince Charming or hanging with Satan. But in case you are having some concerns and are in need of a supportive voice…please watch this weeks episode. Here are a few signs to watch out for in an abusive personality.
If your partner tells you what to do/makes decisions for you and expects you to obey them. If they have ever made you feel bad about yourself, publicly insulted you or made fun of you. If they have cut you off from your family or friends, made threats to hurt you or someone you love, made threatening looks or gestures to you or broken things in front of you, hurt your pets, destroyed your property, or blamed their abusive or violent behavior on anything other then themselves then you may be in a situation that needs to be addressed.
The first thing I’d recommend is communication. Are they aware they have a problem? Are they willing to get help? If the answer to these questions is “no”, then you may need to start making choices about whether you want to leave this toxic situation or keep on subjecting yourself to this subtle yet devastating behavior.
It’s something that cannot be taken lightly and I would recommend you seek counseling from a qualified professional that knows how to deal with these situations. I know it can be tough realizing that you are in a situation like this. But you’re not alone. Some abusers can be extremely subtle and it can be hard to recognize the signs when 80% of the time things are great between the two of you. Or at least you think it is.
What breaks my heart about women caught up in these destructive relationships is that most of them are so emotionally and psychologically beaten down that they believe they’re worthless and that no one would ever love them. I am here to tell you that that is absolutely NOT true.
There are caring people out there that will be more respectful, kinder and will love and appreciate you no matter what. Men would never dream of physically hurting you or psychologically beating you down. Instead they provide a healthy environment where you can feel free to be yourself, make your mistakes and learn from them instead of being ridiculed for them.
For more information there are a TON of sites on the web and you can always contact your local shelter for tips or help on leaving an abusive relationship. I have also linked a couple of sites in the links section that can help you plan your way out.
Please don’t be scared to leave, you are only standing up for yourself and improving your situation for the better.
peace
J
View Episode 71: Violence Against Women
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Rate This (average: 4.43 )Ex Marks The spot
Break ups are the hardest thing - no matter who you are or where you come from. It seems to be the one thing that everyone can relate to. I am definitely no expert on how to deal, but what I do know is that I have been through it a lot. Some I feel I could have handled a lot better, and some I really believe I handled just right. The good news,
is that if you handle it wrong, there is always time to make it right and apologize down the road which I just had to do recently with an ex.
The key to a breakup is DISTANCE!! If you really want a clean break, you have to not talk, not email, not see the ex for a while. Ladies, STOP going to the bars that you know they will be at because you want them to see you looking fabulous. It may make them jealous, however it is not healthy for you. I see and hear about this oh too often and it is so obvious. Everyone see’s through it, and the only one hurt in the end is you.
If you are dealing with a stalking ex - as in you are done and he is still showing up at your doorstep and calling you and making you crazy, my only advice is to go live with someone for a week or so just to get away from it. You need to be surrounded by people who love and care about you at times like that.
There is no right or wrong way to deal when you are hurting, or hurting someone else. Just make sure that you handle it in a mature way and be honest with them. It’s kind of like the “he’s just not that into you” approach. If you tell them straight up “I’m not attracted to you” (or whatever the reason is) - that is something that can never be fixed, and you might find that they can accept the break up easier and move on and leave you alone. If you beat around the bush, you are in trouble!! You will be “dealing” with them until you give them closure.
Happy Dumping Ladies!!
Xoxoxox
Katie
View Episode 70: Ex Marks The Spot
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Does Size Actually Matter?
Well it’s episode 69 this week and we here at TwentySomething thought we would celebrate this glorious number with our most requested topic on the site. We figured we would give all you guys a treat and revisit the age old debate…Does size actually matter?
Now some girls may not agree with me but I truly don’t think size matters all that much. I mean there are other appendages that you men can use to please us women. Now I agree that it is not the most desirable situation to be walking around with a bread stick instead of French stick, but you can work around it. Fingers, tongues, and battery powered fun come to mind! Embrace who you are boys. (double meaning intended) Learn to accept your shortcomings (double meaning intended) and make the best of it. After all, the right girl will be accepting of you no matter what.
But how about the other side of the spectrum? The side that truly scares the bageebers out me. What if your guy is too big? Now this might just be me but anything over 8″ stresses me out. Maybe I am just a big baby but that HURTS and sometimes it’s way harder to work around then someone who is 4″. I am sure there are a bunch of girls yelling at their computer screens right now (including SP and probably Sam) but I just think if I guy is packing a monster, it causes more problems than I care to deal with. It’s kinda like cramming a family of five into a Smart Car.
Are there any girls out there who agree with me and prefer to stick to the middle of the road and rock out with our boy’s 4-8″ inchers??? And remember fellas, it’s all about who you are not what you’ve got. So walk tall and carry whatever sized stick you have!
Peace
J
View Episode 69: Does Size Matter - Part 2
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